👋 Hi all! A few weeks ago I had an incredible conversation with Nick Gray (🎧 Ep68) on how to host a successful cocktail party. He literally wrote the book on building big relationships through small gatherings. I’m so used to hosting/attending dinner parties, but they’re so time-consuming, complicated, and stressful. I didn't realize cocktail parties are perfect for the life optimizer (80% of the benefits and 20% of the work). Today’s newsletter highlights the important aspects of Nick’s party operating system. Use them and you can organize and execute successful events.
After talking to Nick, I’m sold on how much a two-hour high-energy experience can help you live a richer life, so I’m going to try and adapt his plan to host an event in San Francisco for All the Hacks listeners and readers (ie: you!). So if you’ll be in SF on 11/30, please RSVP here and I hope to see you there!
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If the idea of hosting an event seems stressful, then the plan I learned from Nick Gray, that I’ll lay out below, should make things so much easier. Also, keep in mind this isn’t a dinner party that can require lots of cooking, last forever and have a lot of dishes to clean up. It’s a cocktail party that if done right, should be easy to plan/host. In fact, my favorite takeaway from Nick is that if you can get in the routine of hosting a cocktail party every few months, it can serve as the perfect way to reconnect with new people you meet. For example, instead of scheduling a follow up meeting/lunch with a new professional connection or play date with a family you meet at the park, you could just say “it was great meeting you, I’m hosting a cocktail party next month and would love to invite you to join.” So if that sounds good to you, or even if you just want tips for an event you’re already hosting, here’s everything you need to know:
It's crucial to get the first five commitments before you do any deep planning. Let your closest friends, neighbors, or colleagues that you will be hosting a cocktail party on (certain) date, and ask if they will join you. Using this method, you can test the date and time you selected to see if it’s viable. This approach saves you time preparing invitations (if the time ends up not working) and signals to the rest of the invitees that a party is happening. Here is what Nick suggested, “I am thinking of hosting a cocktail party on Tuesday 6:00pm-8:00pm. Would that work for you?” Simple, straightforward.
When the five commitments have been secured, create an online RSVP page and request those first few people RSVP online. This will help you get an accurate headcount. More importantly, it signals social proof that people are already attending, and entices others to come as well. RSVP pages are an effective way to create a social contract. After the five have RSVP’d “yes”, invite everyone else. Nick recommends Mixily and Partiful since they are both free, but Paperless Post has a bit more customization. See Nick’s platform suggestions here.
As host, you don't actually want to play the role of “host” the whole time, so don’t have your event be too big. That can be exhausting, because you are always on and your goal should be to step back and serve as facilitator, since after all, cocktail parties are intended to bring people together. So it’s your job to bring them together.
But don’t go too small, having more than a few guests actually makes hosting easier (Nick mentioned Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering). Conversations naturally split into two when you have more than 6-8 people. That's why Nick recommends 15-20 people. There are enough connections to be made with this many people, and the limit of two hours means your guests probably won't have a chance to talk to everyone. This will leave guests with a sense of curiosity about the next event.
Your goal to be should have an easy, simple, lightweight event that eliminates the stress associated with planning. So here are some tips:
The simple addition of structure and expectations can make your cocktail party so much better. Hands down, Nick says this is one of the primary indicators of hosting a successful event. Here is a simple way to articulate these expectations:
More on the name tags and icebreakers below, but Nick includes some sample event pages and copy you can use on his website here, or in his book.
It’s an easy way to make an introduction and an easier way to remember someone's name. It’s a simple but effective strategy. Nick says this is a hill that he will die on and even for a casual social gathering of friends and neighbors, name tags are a must.
I can see a few of you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. Icebreakers, when done right, let people share a bit of their personality and help spark new conversations. You could introduce them saying “I do icebreakers, so we can all meet somebody new. I hope you'll say hello to a few new faces.”
Don’t stress about a playlist, just use a curated playlist that someone else curated. The music should be upbeat, positive, easy/happy, and not too loud. (Or you can use Nick's playlist)
Time flies when you are having fun, but stick to the end time. The proper way to handle this is to communicate it during the party. Make a last call announcement 15 minutes before the party ends.
“Thank you all for coming! You all made it very special. It's 7:45. I said the party would last until 8:00. Since this is a school night, I want to make sure everyone gets home early. Grab a last drink, say hi to somebody you haven't met yet, and we will wrap it up in about 15 minutes.” (then turn the music back on)
After 15 minutes, turn the lights up and the music down. Thank everyone again for coming and take a group selfie (it'll be helpful, trust me). The goal with this is to clearly demonstrate the party's finality.
In the morning, send a short message thanking everyone for attending. Include the group photo (as more social proof) and ask them if they'd like to be invited again. It's an easy "yes" and is a way to start your guest list for your next cocktail party.
It may be obvious, but as the host, you want it to feel like an awesome and easy experience. If you felt more energized than you were before the party, it’s an indicator that you are doing something right. I am sure if you followed all of these tips, you gave people the structure and opportunity to feel comfortable and meet many other people.
If you loved this and want more, I know you will enjoy my conversations with Nick: Check out the full episode on cocktail parties and museum hacks (🎧 Ep68) and our follow up on maximizing points, travel destinations and jet lag (🎧 Ep69).
And definitely check out Nick’s awesome book (The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings) and the website to share so much more content on party planning.
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Author Tiago Forte joins discusses his proven method to build a "Second Brain" to organize your digital life, including the best tools to use to collect and store information, why it's important to become more of a maker than a consumer and a lot more. Thank you to MasterClass, Vuori, Daffy, and Fabric for sponsoring this episode!
🎧 Listen to Ep85 w/ Tiago Forte |
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Travel writer and author, Rolf Potts discusses time wealth and why that's such a vital topic in life, traveling for six weeks without luggage, leaving your phone behind and getting lost and his new book The Vagabond’s Way. Thank you to Masterworks, InsideTracker, Trade Coffee and Linkedin for sponsoring this episode!
🎧 Listen to Ep84 w/ Rolf Potts |
The content on this page is accurate as of the posting date; however, some of our partner offers may have expired.
Editor’s Note: Today, I’m grateful for the support of our partners ButcherBox, Masterworks, InsideTracker, Trade Coffee, MasterClass, Vuori, Daffy, Fabric, and Linkedin. Opinions expressed here are the author's alone, not those of any bank, credit card issuer, hotel, airline, or other entity. This content has not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by any of the entities included within the post.
Chris Hutchins works at Wealthfront. All opinions expressed by Chris and his guests are solely their own opinions and do not reflect the opinion of Wealthfront. This newsletter is for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon for investment decisions.
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